Gift List

Dear Husband:

I have been working really hard on my Christmas list. I know how much you love working from a list. I hope this helps make shopping easier.

I would not like twelve drummers drumming. Our upstairs neighbors make enough noise for the whole neighborhood.
I would not like eleven pipers piping. If they’re related to the Pied Piper, we’ll be overrun with rats, and we’re still battling the ladybugs.
I would not like ten lords a-leaping. I’m afraid we don’t have much to leap over, so they would get bored.
I would not like nine ladies dancing. We’d have to move all of our furniture out of the way, and then there’d be no where to watch tv!
I would not like eight maids a-milking. Messy. ‘Nough said.
I would not like seven swans a-swimming. Our bathtub just isn’t that big.
I would not like six geese a-laying. Our bed just isn’t that big.
I would not like five golden rings. I prefer silver.
I would not like four calling birds. We don’t have a house phone, much less four.
I would not like three French hens. You know what they say about the French…
I would not like two turtledoves. They’re just a little too cheesy for me.
And I would not like a partridge…but I do think a pear tree would be nice.

With love
Your wife.


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