Last Wishes

Dear World:

When I die of boredom…

Since Ben will be non-functioning due his devastation over my demise, please look after my dogs and cat. If they are hit by a car, you can bury them in any of the backyards where we have lived – I’m sure the current tenants won’t mind.

I would like a Jazz funeral in the New Orleans-style, despite my lack of ragin’-Cajun blood.

Comfort my mother. As her baby child, she will be unconsolable, but I think a visit from Bully and a high-five from the current MSU coach (of any sport, but preferably all of them) will fix her right on up.

I want to be buried with a bowl of chocolate syrup over a little chocolate ice cream in one hand, and a spoon in the other.

I would like a Miller High Life in my other hand.

I would like someone to name a child (boy or girl) in my honor…not after me, but after one of my favorite names ever: Zula Mae. And make sure the he/she grows up saying “y’all” and “ain’t.”

I would like a Facebook page in my honor, to raise awareness over the monumental rise in deaths due to boredom in recent years.

I would also like a Twitter #hashtag in my honor. I think #mostawesomechickever will do. And you may use it to reminisce about all the great times we had together.

Oh, hey look…I made it through the day after all. Almost the weekend!

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